Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

#1230 - The 3-Step Solution to Better Emotional Regulation (R)

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Episode notes

Why do our kids lose it over the smallest things—and how can we help them hold it together? In this insightful episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack what emotional regulation really means and share a simple 3-step framework to help kids (and parents!) handle big feelings more effectively. Whether it's tantrums, sibling fights, or homework meltdowns, these tools will help your family build emotional resilience—without losing your cool.

KEY POINTS:

  • Emotional regulation is about expressing or suppressing emotions appropriately to achieve long-term goals.

  • Most children develop consistent regulation skills by age 9, but they still need support along the way.

  • Regulation isn’t about suppressing feelings—it’s about processing them constructively.

  • Parents must model regulation themselves, not just expect it from their kids.

  • Three powerful parenting tools:

    1. Support, don’t solve – Be present and connected without taking over.

    2. Offer hints – Gently guide children through overwhelm with small, manageable steps.

    3. Read the room – Check for physical or emotional needs that might be driving big reactions.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
“Support, don’t solve—it builds competence, autonomy, and connection all at once.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:

  1. Pause before reacting—check your own emotional state before helping your child regulate theirs.

  2. Name the emotion and offer empathy—validate your child’s feelings without fixing them.

  3. Break big tasks into chunks—help your child manage overwhelm one step at a time.

  4. Create a regulation-friendly environment—watch for hunger, fatigue, or stress that may fuel dysregulation.

  5. Model emotional regulation—let your child see you process your emotions calmly and respectfully.

Resources Mentioned:

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